Nightmares…

Did you ever have a nightmare so vivid, that you woke up scared because of it? Believing that something is actually going on? Well, I do… Reality to me last night. 6 hours of sleep, but more than enough to “live” such a trembling experience…

I have months of dreamless nights, yet one of these is enough to make me want to stay awake for the next nights. I had too many of those…

But here is the one from last night…

It was as if I was at home, with my girls and the daughter of a neighbor, who was supposed to sleep over. (Nothing unusual… And I never sleep with my entrance door unlocked. Ever!) So, I was taking my tour to closing everything left open. I started with the door, of course (as in real life). It was closed. The handle wouldn’t let the door open, yet the lock was still asking for the key for closing it. But the key was just tuning in vain. As if it was broken… Ok, I thought that was really strange, but I didn’t want to install panic among the girls. So, I just kept going with the “nighty-night” procedures. But before that I have closed the windows as well… While tucking the kids in, I felt a breeze in the back of my head, thing that was unexpected, since I closed ALL the windows myself. As I go by the windows, I see they’re cracked-open. And that scared the sh*i out of me. (You know that vivid heart-racing?). I started shaking and thinking about the kids, yet I had to remain calm for frighten not to reach them. So, I put my hands on the windows, in a failed attempt to close them again. They were stubborn. Even if they would stay closed for a second, something was pushing them back… The last thing I remember from this, is that I was experiencing that “mute scream”. (Did you ever try running in a dream, but your legs were stuck? Did you ever scream for help, but your voice just wouldn’t help you? As if your vocal chords wouldn’t vibrate a sound?). And I lost it… I woke up. But the feeling was still all over my body…

Naturally, in that scary state, I checked on my girls and looked around. I managed to go back to sleep about half an hour later…

“Not a big deal” you may say. However, I had so many similar dreams, that I’m starting to believe something is going wrong with my subconscious. You know, they say dreams are a reflection of our subconscious mind.

I know nightmares are, usually, about releasing negative energies from our minds. Yet, getting scared (sometimes in such a way that I wake up crying real tears) is something that I didn’t learn to control.

What I know for sure, in real life, is that I’m afraid of being attacked in my own home. Ran over by malicious men. (I never dreamed a woman doing that in my life!) And if I tell you this, you (as well as I) may understand why…

Not talking about a dream now, but about what really happened!

I had a boyfriend in my twenties. All went well for a few months, but the relationship started to shake.

And I wanted to get out of it. So, I told him to leave. He did (surprisingly) but he started ringing me at night, at the office – regardless of the moment – and threaten me. And my parents. Even though he did never see the personal numbers of any of my folks, he found them out by the name and messaged me with the perfect match of them. Threatening that my father would have to deal with some huge scandal at work (a respectable man, working for a prestigious company) and that my mother would have to face law because of her illness “faking”. And that I should better watch out for black cars… And there was another incident with this guy… He came by one day and, without me realizing that was no answer to the “who is it?” question, I opened the door and he just ran into me, he grabbed my neck and yelled – to be heard from a few blocks away: “I’m gonna kill you, bitch!”

Can you imagine those seconds of terror, when I was choking and desperately looking to escape? He had a millisecond of not paying attention, when his hand went slightly loose, and I rushed into saying: “Get your hand off or I’ll manage to grab something from the kitchen before you can take my life…” He did, in the end, understand that he was actually about to kill someone he loved and set me free. But I could barely bring my breathing back to normal and I had hard times in getting him out. He started apologizing and I was pushing him and almost squeezing him with the door, to get him away from me!

Seriously, I’m not joking about this! I’m not making anything up for the sake of gaining readers. Moreover, this article is, in fact, a tryout for understanding nightmares. The root cause of a subconscious clinge. And my attempt to get things out if my system… You, may be skeptical about this, but it is only now – that I started writing about it – that I realized the possible root cause of my nightmares.

You see, such episodes affect our brains for life. And they drag fear into our lives. Even if we think that everything is gone and we’re all fine, the fear for our lives remains somewhere, in a dark place, until we are ready to search for it and take it out. No psychiatrist (as skilled as they may be) will ever manage to understand the real feeling of the moment. Because they don’t get emotionally involved. Is YOU only that can set you free.

Did you experience similar situations? And did you ever try to figure out where do all these negative energies come from?

I hope that, by voicing my mind, I will manage to set myself free of them…

Love,
A.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.